Normal People

connell is the one kid in high school who was ever kind to the weird girl- more than kind he fell in love with her. embarrassed to know marianne, making her his secret, watching from the sidelines as she is bullied and abused. but he loves her, or at least he thinks he does. he doesn’t feel this way with anyone else. the feeling makes him spiral, makes him hyperventilate, puts him outside his own body. she convinces him to apply to the same college as him, and he does, of course he does. he would do anything for marianne. but the roles are reversed in college. he needs marianne more than she needs him. he becomes the outcast, the loser. but instead of unkindness, marianne shows him love and forgiveness. she is there for him. she has the upper hand this time. when they are together, they are so happy. they are the only two people in the world. but their miscommunications ruin them. if only they would speak about how they truly felt, what they really want. (“is it better to speak or to die?”- cmbyn) they slip in and out of each others lives throughout college, lingering on the outside of each other’s relationships with other people, always there in the back of each other’s minds. when they see each other, it’s like nothing has changed but everything is different. both exist at once. they are each other’s twin flame, but they don’t allow themselves to be. it’s honestly devastating. marianne’s home life is a reflection of how she sees herself, how she will be loved by other people. if the one person in the world who really loves her (connell) cannot even express his love for her properly, how will she ever understand what it is like to be loved? she only knows abuse and neglect, and she thinks that is all she is worth. it’s very much reminiscent of ‘heart the lover’ with touches of ‘perks of being a wallflower’. i loved it and i wanted to hug them both and make them kiss like barbie dolls the entire time. and then of course i cried at the end.